halloween - a RRRROOOOOARing good time!

First we went to the mall



where we roared at all the girls and ate donuts

then we dressed up for nana and uncle chad

then we roared through the neighbourhood

we got ALOT of candy (mostly smarties and chips)
liam picked most of it himself

a up-roar-ious* time was had by all!

*it's late gimme a break

happy halloween

i will post this year's costume later today!

lurkers beware

seriously....would it?

i know who you are

i know you are reading this

dont make me come over there

diabolical dentifrice

I truely do have a fear of the dentist. so appropriately we (the 3 of us) had dentist appt's today.

ooo inspections and cleanings.

good news first...no cavities just a loose filling and hopefully they can just repair my veneer. though it is 20 years old and frankly anything that OLD needs to be replaced. at least i feel like that EVERY DAY!

i do have legitimate reasons for my fear...as a child i had to have numerous (4) teeth pulled as they came in too soon and were too big for my mouth. and various years of poking and prodding to get this tooth to go that way and this way. oh and not to mention the broken front tooth when i was 11. by broken i mean in HALF. then there were the years with a crazy polish lady dentist who knew my mom (a teacher) had great insurance so would "say i had cavities" or needed things done (a root canal when i was 13) cause she was a sadistic greedy bitch. obviously i didnt need a root canal and began to question EVERYTHING a dentist and well any medical professional would tell me.

so i came in a teensy bit on edge, maybe a weeee bit negative, possibly already preparing myself for (pictured above) the worst possible scenario...

i survived.

liam was a champ. let the dentist look at his teeth and didnt even bite him...

course if i was to put my finger into his mouth he'd chomp down on it like it was the best damn hunk of chicken finger he ever had.

they're all going to laugh at you

i am totally going as carrie's mom for halloween next year.

and GOD i want to have daughter so we can dress up as

blood soaked i just killed everyone at my highschool prom carrie and psychotic bible beating multiple stab wound murder suicide mom

that would be so awesome

the best sitter ever

i dont care what you think of me

but this little mujerzuela is my sitter when i need to

get anything done quickly and efficiently

or i just need 2 minutes without this

big box shopping hell

i think my personal shopping hell (other than this) has to be big box stores - you know who you are...i dont need to be sued. I do hate shopping there on a good day but apparently since it is already Christmas (no one told you either huh?) there was a mad rush of 25 cans of pickled pickeral - just in case. everyone in ancaster either does not work or took the day off to go to (we'll call it Fostmo**) to buy too much stuff they really dont need for alot more money then they need to spend cause frankly everyone i know who lives in ancaster is either a D.I.N.K. or a real estate agent (really the same thing just spelt another way).

so anyways as we amuse liam with the many tins of this and packages of that and he screams loudly over the din "i want bread" as we walk though the bakery section filled with 24" pies and 6 loaves of bread - i am on a mission. see one item i usually buy is remarkably on coupon. normally i dont do coupons (no no dont get me wrong i just dont do coupons cause if you have ever gone shopping with peter you'll know why)-- but i thought ehn he's not here i'll get to save $3 woot.

I kid you not...i walked around the entire store 4 times. if you've been in a Fostmo** before you know that is a LONG LONG LONG WAY. i also resorted to asking an employee (3 in fact) to find said coupon item - that they advertise -- at the front of the store...

3 Fostmo** employees and i were wandering up and down the aisles as they mumbled--

it should be over here, well if it's not there it has to be here, did you check the front, it has to be on an end, you're sure it's on coupon....

i got to the cash and left and told lovely lady who cheerily checked my buggy that someone should make a map of the store and hand it out EVERY DAY to EVERY employee.

my little tip.

from the chilly smile i got back i'm guessing my suggestion went right into the trash.

**names have been changed to protect the guilty

deaf and dumb

after getting up at 5:40am this morning the little monster has been nothing less than a whiney screaming crying tantrum throwing mess. and didnt i say i was shooting myself in the foot?

so of course i went to walmart.

cause really isnt every kid in walmart like that?

the entire oh 20 mintues i could last without putting liam in the pile of pomegranates and running screaming hysterically from the store. i realized that i can tune him out completely. that i can be that parent who just doesnt seem to hear the insessant 'i want a toy", "i want a bread", " mommy noooooooo" and the whimpering and crying. so i became just like every other mother of a toddler today carrying on with my shopping as though my child wasnt a monsterous banshee screaming at the top of his lungs while everyone WITHOUT a child in the store looked at me like i was obviously the WORST mother in the world and shouldnt i be doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING about the ear-popping toodler right in front of me. the best is the looks of i got were from the other moms though...as though we were part of a secret society that doesnt have a password or handshake just a slight nod of the head and an understanding that connects us all in our unique ability to not give a flying CRAP what people without kids think AT ALL!!!

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

might have over dressed him a weeeeee bit

decisions decisions

i can't decide what to be for halloween.....

obviously my alter ego is vast and wide ranging. maybe i can combine them somehow.

hmmmm...naked dead singing cheerleader. i like it.

attack of the nice

there is such a thing as too nice. and such a thing as too much nice.

i do like stores where you are greeted by a smile and friendly acknowledgement. however, there has to be some kind of record going at OLD NAVY these days. in the past couple of weeks liam and i have walked through the old navy store at the mall only to be "greeted" about a thousand times. i have done my share of retail work where the all too chipper manager becomes a cheerleader at the beginning of the shift - GO OUT THERE AND SELL SELL SELL !! SMILE SMILE SMILE!! but without a word of a lie we were said hello to about 20 times today. i was asked if i needed help about 18 out of the 20 times. i couldnt turn a corner or or touch a sweater without being attacked by a overly friendly twenty something with braces and bad skin shouting HELLO! and CAN I HELP YOU??!!!

NO DAMMIT! AND STOP SAYING HELLO!!!

i left without buying anything. i NEVER do that. if they dont want me to shop there anymore all they have to do is keep on with the cheerleader attitude...

dare i say it?

dare i put to type what i have been thinking most of the past 7 days....

is it just my imagination or is it getting easier?

is this the calm before the storm?

am i just becoming used to the maelstrom?

or

am i just better medicated?

liam seems to be getting easier with stuff lately. he's taking to eating with a fork fairly often if not every meal. we hardly fights me when we have anywhere to go and i'm in a hurry. he tells me when he poops and pees and every now and then does it on the potty. even the tantrums are getting less out of control.

of course I HAVE shot myself in the foot here...

cause you know tomorrow the little monster with rear his gleaming little eyes and the horns will come out and well.... all hell will break loose.

but at least i'll always have those 7 days.

Hay there!

Liam is such a fall child. surrounded by pumpkins and crisp yellow and red leaves liam shines. his blue eyes gleam with joy at the suggestion of a walk through the woods to crunch the leaves and everyday he rearranges (several times) the growing multitude of pumpkins on our porch.

our little family had a wonderful day picking pumpkins, going for a hay ride, feeding the animals and generally running a muck due to the unseasonably warm weather. it was a perfect day.

but not without consequences...

liam asked for MORE pumpkins today and another ride on the tractor as soon as he woke up this morning. in fact the first words he said to me at 6am were:

-- more tractors mom and more pumpkins toooooooo

battle of the bum change

potty training is 2 steps forward 3 steps back. we are at the 3 steps back and holding stage....

liam however puts up a fight EVERYTIME we have to change his bum. by fight i dont just mean whining and carrying on. i mean he will drop his entire body weight, kick, scream, flip around, punch and cry.

why does it have to be a fight?

whyyyy??

joining the cast

I am starting to believe that liam has super-human healing abilities.

'cause like what 2 days ago his bottom lip was clearly split and teeth CLEARLY went THROUGH the lip.

if you looked at him today it looks like he has a paper cut on his lip.

so maybe i have bred the next generation of super hero...

Ten on Tuesday: 10 things that worry me

1. Liam's eating habits - he's a grazer and doesnt usually eat THAT much at one sitting - he's also so thin
2. uterine or ovarian cancer - my mother had 2 tumors the size of grapefruit removed from her uterus before her hysterectomy when she was only 45
3. money - but everyone worries about that
4. getting fat - i really dont have a physical activity i love...
5. my friends dramatic lives - i know i shouldnt but i worry about them
6. keeping the house presentable - i'm not martha stewart, cleaning is NOT my joy
7. peter and i will "divorce" putting liam through hell
8. someone will read this post and think i am stalking them
9. i'll run out of time to have another child
10. that we'll end up have quadruplets just cause i said that

Next week: 10 Useful Internet Sites

i am the oozing bacteria purging from alisa's pores

YES!! just what i always wanted. to be a 14 year old girl with zits again! yeeah!

cripes. the wonderific so terrific cleanse has caused my skin to erupt in a series of albeit small but equally horrific (for a 31 yr old) zits. i never had much problems with my skin as a teen - my various other problems (a mullet and a skid boyfriend) would have overshadowed these anyhow - but as an adult i find it truely disheartening to have zits and fine lines (fuck ok they're wrinkles).

truth be known - the cleanse week 2 is much harder than week 1...

your body really goes into overdrive on the purging. you're exhausted and you're sick of taking 11 capsules a day. and yes i cheated and had a piece of bread. get off my back!!

blood and tears

well it just wouldnt be a sunday without some blood and tears lately...

so liam decided in his recent trantrum phase to throw himself around the dining room. though amusing for about oh 20 seconds as i mimic every ridiculous motion and noise eminating from the tyrannical midget, it does rather rapidly get old. and then he hurls himself to the floor.

and bites through his bottom lip.

yup through.

blood. tears. wailing. more blood. gasping. throwing things. clinging to mom. screaming. yet. more. blood.

the only advantage to a large scale post tantrum freak out is that liam literally collasped into unconsciousness - on me. downside being i couldnt put him down without the blood. tears. and wailing repeating itself yet again.

i'm sure it will look worse in the morning so i'll post a photo tomorrow so when peter sues for custody he can show it as evidence i threw the diapered despot to the floor and remained covered in his blood for hours as if a warning (da da daaaa) against any repeat performance.

bribery

hello my name is alisa and i am a bad mommy

i bribe my son with french fries

yes it's horrible i know

but considering he only gets about 6 to get thru an entire meal i guess it's not soooo bad

right?

beside he could use the fat...

the Friday 5

1. What was the last thing you baked? chocolate cupcakes (i'd kill someone for one now)
   
2. What was the last thing you tried on for size? jeans (so depressing)
   
3. What was the last thing you purchased on credit? groceries (we get airmiles)
   
4. What was the last thing you put a postage stamp on? thank you card
   
5. What was the last thing you took a photo of? probably liam at thanksgiving

the sound of silence

liam is mr. jabberjaw

i swear if he is awake - he is talking. there is a running commentary on everything...

circle. draw a circle. circle is blue. blue like thomas. find the tracks. thomas and his friends. gordon has the frieght cars. coal in the frieght cars. toot toot. under the tunnel. auntie andrea's brush. found it mom. i found it. auntie andrea's brush. brush your hair mom. brush your hair. brush your hair. so pretty. snuggle mom snuggle. want to snuggle.monsters coming. thomas and his friends. thomas is the cheeky one. lots of friends. lots of friends mom. trailer fix it. here is thomas. lots of fun. thomas is the cheeky one. cool. blue like the circle.

that was the last 2 minutes of my life.

and peter wonders why i'm not in a chatty mood when he gets home.

how do you ever really know anyone?

i just finished the pilot's wife by anita shreve - not a book i'd normally read but it was a good departure. it questions how well we think we know people and how well we can actually ever know even the people we are closest to.

i started thinking about how no matter how empathetic we are, how intimate we are - we can really never know -- fully -- who that other person is. you might have similar experiences even similar upbringing - but you cannot think the way they do or imagine as they do. despite spending years of your life with people (friends, family, husband) you cannot ever know what is in their heart. as frightening as that sounds the gulf that really remains between people is even more terrifying because so many of us fail to be honest. REALLY HONEST. because we spend so much time lying to ourselves.

honesty often sucks ass. that's why we lie to ourselves about being ok, happy with our lives and jobs and friends, about what ambitions we have (maybe we have none or they are so embarrassing you don't want to be judged or impossible altogether), about how we feel about people... and no one wants to hear the truth from someone else (trust me).

TODAY'S GOAL: BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH SOMEONE

also i told peter after reading this book before bed:

--i better not find out after your dead that you have this whole other life i know nothing about or i'll punch you in the face

--but i'd be dead

--it'd put the fun back in funeral

i am the black bubbling bile in alisa's bowel

i am 3 days into a 45 day whole body cleanse. wooo. the cleanse involves not eating wheat, dairy, soy and SUGAR!

the fact is that i am a sugar addict.

--Hello my name is alisa and i am addicted to sugar.

it is my weakness. it is my white whale on this cleanse. call me ishmael...or ahab in a few more days...i'm likely to be as crazed and obsessed. i promise not to go into a diatribe on sugar.

so far i've been good...only one cheat and it was for leftover yams. mom's leftover yams. i mean come on. besides being soaked in sugar they do have all those good yam vitamins still (right?). i'm hedging my bets that one slip wont make that much of a difference in the long run.

my goal of this is to not only purge my body of toxins, chemicals, yeast, bile and make sure the plumbing is in working order but to also lose weight - like at least 20lbs. hence the 45 days. not the typical 15. hence the clinical strength formula. not the "first time user recommended".

i am not a vision of self control and it takes all my will power to face the kitchen full of liams goldfish crackers, oatmeal cookies and yummy chocolate mint york peppermint patties in the freezer.

send me your support and encouragement. i'll need it.

EUREKA!

so backyardigans is on before bed and Liam is sitting (!!??) beside me on the couch.

pablo and tyrone are singing the EUREKA! song which oddly enough uses the EUREKA! several times.

the mimic pipes up with: areka

mommy: no liam -- EUR -EKA!

mimic: no mommy's-REKA!

and i fall laughing hysterically from the couch.

domesticated

truthfully though i may come across as the next martha stewart -- perfect in every way -- i do have my faults. i'm sure Peter could name a (few) dozen.

however i did make dinner for eight on thanksgiving which was hosted at our house and i have the proof(!!).

don't ask why i'm am contorted over the turkey as though listening to the sweet sweet sounds of its oh so yummy death march or how i got my head and arm at a perfect 45 degree angle or why i am smiling maniacally like martha stewart on probation.

always know that the hell you are putting in your mouth

that is the sweetest most tender fish i've ever had

really?

yeah i'm gonna ask what kind it is

(korean waitress walks over)

excuse me, what kind of fish is this?

oh egg

egg fish? really?

no IS EGG

oh.

---------------

what's that?

gyoza

what's in it?

umm i dunno. pork?

really?

it might be cat food...but it sure tastes good. dip it in the sauce.

the angry asian and the topless cowboy

you know when you just feel disappointed. not like chirstmas morning didnt get malibu barbie playhouse disappointed (yes mom i still remember that) but that sad kinda you hoped for more kind.

not that anything happened or made it disappointing in general just....

well what do you say about nothing for an hour?

friends are sometimes so liquid. they flow in and out of your life....

i feel the ebbing tide.

my crrraazzzy skillzzzzz

yeah my parenting skillzzzz have become the stuff of legend. ok maybe not legend....fodder at the park?

so it was a tidge wet at the local park --

liam eagerly climbs the ladder and heads straight for the very high straight FAST slide.

did i mention everything is dewey?

down he goes at epic speeds. on his now soaked butt. flying at least 3 feet off the end of the slide and landing flat on his back. he lay there in stunned silence.

all the other moms gasp in horror.

i, on the other hand, pick myself up off the ground and hope i can stop giggling long enough to collect my son and make a hasty exit from the park.

mad skillzzz!

i am the parenting guru.

The Friday 5: things that I was so wrong about

1. I would be a grown up when i became a mother
2. I would have no regrets
3. my body would rebound naturally from having a baby(YEAH RIGHT!)
4. I would always want to be 20
5. honey attracting more flies - yeah i get just as much shit from being a nice person as from being who i am

I ask for one little thing

no mommy

no mommy



no mommy




NOOO!!

Liam's new favourite phrase.

who the heck?

the farmer's market is always a place for interesting experiences. This morning we ran into someone who apparently knew me.

OOOOH! HI! Julie it's been so long.

ummm no i'm not julie.

this must be your son??!!

excuse me? umm my name isn't julie.

I didnt even know you were married - when did you have the little guy?

yeah umm he's almost 2 but i'm NOT julie.

wow it's been so long where do i start.....(to which i listened to a rant about this woman's life for 15 minutes)

that's great? so we're gonna go now.

OH! ok well great to see you again julie. (and just like that she walked away)


I'm not sure which hospital let this harmless yet hearing impaired loonie out with a day pass but well I guess i should be happy for her running into julie like that.

All i know is Peter's gettin' some lovin' from Julie tonight!

Updates

1. facebook has effectively ruined my social life -
   seeing as there was little to no social life to speak off anyway i suppose the loss is minimal
2. Liam speaks in full sentences and repeats EVERYTHING we say - yupo have to really stop calling Peter a bastard now (at least when Liam's around)
3. Liam can say ridiculous but CANNOT say JELL-O
4. i spend most of my time decorating Liam's big boy room
   it's a project and i will post pictures when it's done (it's pretty fabulous)
5. I have seen the movie CARS about 300 times this summer but never the whole thing
6. Liam is scared of combines (i think thats what they are called - FRANK from CARS) and small dogs
7. they (the man) discontinued Liam's soother -
   affectionately known in our household as tootoos - so we're screwed

i think that gets you basically up to date. sad that 7 point form notes can cover 4 months of my life. Oh there is other stuff but PEOPLE (you know who you are) might read it and know that it included them or was about them and i am already sure that they think THIS is about them so I will just get in shit for it anyways.

Just so we're clear

I did NOT spend the entire summer mourning the loss of my blog...

and that was just september!

Really the summer was great....

Yes I AM!

Ok i'll admit the my time away from my messily little pathetic excuse for a rant has left me bitter and sullen.

maybe not bitter...tart? maybe not sullen either...ummm...bored?

So anyways i got to thinking that I should get back to writing and various other creative shite before the general dulldrum of winter in the great white north sets in. Though at this point (OCTOBER) - it was almost 80 today we could practically have thanksgiving (Canada) on the patio.