ass u me

As a rule I have learned - the HARD WAY! that you must always guard what you are going to say in case the person you are talking to isn't who you think they are.

Let's just put it like this.

Don't bad mouth people on the phone to someone you don't know.

Cause that person may be the wife, best friend, business partner of the person you are bad mouthing.

And then your website may not work anymore.....

Where's Liam Wednesdays...(thursday edition)

hiding WITH the hose

yelling "AAAALLLL DONE!"

What I always wanted to hear...

So we're watching Entourage (an HBO show) at breakfast the other morning. We PVR shows that are on past our beddy time (10pm).

As per most HBO shows, Entourage has a healthy dose of curses.

We're watching away and bitch, whore, cock, shit and even asshole go by without Liam even looking up from his thomas the train he is happily playing with on the coffee table.

And then..........

A lovely girl on the screen says two magical words that every mother everywhere hopes she'll hear come from her baby's mouth.

"FUCK YOU"

yup.

he heard it.

next thing we know he's running up to mommy and daddy screaming it.

so loud i'm sure the neighbours can hear.

i'm shocked child services hasn't shown up yet.

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Favourite Bands of All Time

1. Beatles - doesn't this really go without saying?
2. Radiohead
3. The Verve
4. Depeche Mode
5. Nine Inch Nails
6. Chemical Brothers
7. Tricky
8. The Doors
9. The Fugees
10. Violent Femmes

Next Week: 10 Things to do before I Die

Mindful Mommy Mondays

maybe Bai Yun farts in his sleep too.

vietnamese strudel

I got you a treat for dessert

oh yeah?

it's on the counter

*pause*

what the f*#k is veitnamese strudel? *pause* oh. viennese.

*as i pick myself up off the floor and wipe the tears from my eyes*

I wonder what vietnamese strudel would taste like

probably spicy

Flashy fridays

I dunno why

but i can't stop giggling at this picture

my muse

yeah i get all the best material from him

and he's hot

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

I have a better ride...

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Favourite Movies to Quote

1. Heathers: "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw"
2. Goodfellas: "I'm funny? Am I your clown?"
3. So I married an axe murderer: "I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offsides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow. "
4. Office Space: "I'm gonna show her my O face"
5. Dirty Dancing: "Nobody puts baby in the corner"
6. Parenthood: "He's likes to hit things with his head"
7. Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "The Sausage King of Chicago"
8. The Breakfast Club : "Claire is a fat girl's name"
9. Clerks: "Try not to blow anyone on your way through the parking lot"
10. Wizard of Oz: "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too"

Next week: 10 Favorite Bands of All Time

Fish out of water

So we found that Liam LOVES the water and for a kid who hasn't had swimming lessons (i know i know i'm SUCH a bad mommy) he's really very good at the swimming.

FYI - the guy holding Liam - you know the one with the man muff and arms of steel - oh yeah....he's my hottie mchotstuff

Mindful Mommy Mondays

I'm with you man - that sh*t is f$#ked up!

happy father's day

it's potty time

the poop continues to fly...

Liam pooped on the potty for the 2nd (yes that's TWICE!) time.

I belong in Dublin

I really have some serious doubts about a website that claims to know the answers to such things as the well-being of my inner child or my who I was in a past life along side (of course) which flavour lip gloss I am. All these questions and more answered in an easy 5 question (cause you have to keep the attention of the plebs) quiz.

Of course, I couldn't resist the urge...

I belong in Dublin
I am Raspberry Chocolate Lip Gloss
My inner child is Happy
I am agnostic
My love song is Thank you by Dido
I am Aphrodite
An d my irish name is Jade Flynn

All this should work out well for me in my new life in Ireland.

Just to make CLEAR

It was pointed out to me that none of the "others" involved in the poop conversation on that friday night are not mommies. So I must make an amendment to the previous poop post...

Those involved in the poop talk were CLEARLY having poop issues and also never had much decorum to begin with.

ode to a sprinkler

my favourite sprinkler

oh, where have you gone?

I left you outside without a light on

you must have grown legs

or decided to walk

If I had known I would have put on a lock

now you are lost

and all I have still to water

is your sad lefty righty friend, who just doesnt matter

lefty righty is bad

and it makes me soooo mad

it just does not do

it's a big pile of poo

I know all the university education paid off now. I am such a freakin' poet.

over anxious

yes if you are looking for Where's Liam Wednesday's...

it's here

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Awesome things about me

1. (I've been told) I'm a good kisser
2. I have nice feet
3. I'm creative
4. I am a good mom
5. I am very well read
6. I'm really honest - if you don't want the truth - don't ask me
7. I'm a loyal friend
8. I'm a good dancer
9. I stand up for what I believe in
10. I had the most beautiful, rambunctious, intelligent and hilarious kid and my labour was only 4.5 hours long (LOL!!)

Next week: 10 Favorite Movies to Quote

you just wait for the poop talk

I have to say first....

I AM SO INSANELY HAPPY that one of our friends is having a baby...you know who you are and I don't want the crazies coming after you so henceforth she shall be called "Keith Cheggers"

So "Keith" complained about the poop conversation of the friday night that MAY I REMIND YOU I DID NOT START. Though I suppose I didn't need to tell everyone about it...or about how Big Knees still can't poop infront of her boyfriend. Or about the frequency of the poop. Or about how we were talking about poop before any recreation.

Hey I'm totally talking about poop again.

ANYWAYS, "Keith" is CLEARLY not a mommy yet and so has not lost the sense of decorum that all pre-mommies have about feces, poops, poopies, bang-bangs, doodie, the mustard gun, bum nuggets, cagadota or whatever other fancy names you will come up with.

'Cause you will talk about the poop. Oh yes. In fact you will talk about the poop A LOT. With EVERYONE...not just the baby's poop either.

JUST YOU WAIT!!!

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

you might have over done it on the mowing this time, Liam.

summary judgement

I am trying to recall when I started to care about what people thought of me again. It must have been sometime around Liam's birth. Honestly, I can't remember.

Recently, I have come up against people making summary judgements of me, my choices, my life, my everything.

why do I care?

Maybe their perceived "knowledge" of me is from a lunatic or maybe it's half what they wanted to hear and made the judgement anyways.

Either way - i'm tired of caring.

thesaurus? dictionary? anyone?

I think sometimes that either university was such a waste or that authors (particularily English Lit. profs turned writers) are using the thesaurus far to much.

I am currently reading A Whistling Woman by A.S. Byatt - I have ready a few of her other novels (Possession and Babel Tower) and quite enjoy her range and knowledge. She makes me really think about what I am reading. Which frankly, doesn't happen all that much with modern novels.

Anyways - I came across a word I didn't know. Actually a word I had to look up.

In my defence, I have read about 60% of the 100 novels and classics in English Literature and graduated 4 years of university with a degree in English Literature. I also still read quite a bit. Arguably some are trash, junk food novels just for fun but I do read modern classics as well.

So how, I ask, can I have not known this word? My guess is that she - the author - put it in there to make everyone reading it question themselves and their literacy. Or she got thesaurus happy after a bottle of MASI.

no no moving people kind

Clearly, i needed a night out.

Friday night, the fun began with a indepth discussion of our poop and poop habits. This I totally can't be blamed for (cause yes it usually me talking about Liam's poops), it was Big Knees. See Big Knees apt is smallish and has no doors and she is newly moved in with her boytoy - so no poop happens there. This created a 20 minute (i'm not exaggerating) discussion of poop habits, times of day, various satisfactory and not so satisfactory poops between 4 grown women (not about their children).

Clearly, we were already in a dirty place.

After munching on various organic veggies and drinking a lovely bottle of red wine, we moved the party downstairs to 'the LOUNGE' - i call it this because once you become sedentary in this place you can do nothing but LOUNGE. And there we lay. Laughing. Little C is always at the far end hundled under a blankie (covered in cat hair i found out "what is this in my mouth?"), TC is front an centre always thinking "yeah this is almost there but not quite", then me, then Big Knees hundled by the food. There we remained.

----- several hours passed (the events of which included some frighteningly hilarious explorations and stories, tears of joy and a screensaver)...

(I just have to make mention of that goat -- the fainting one - that became startled while in Rome....despite the tears and laughter we still like said goat.)

Clearly -- we need more girls nights like this.

**names have been changed in order to not incrimate those who are incriminate-able**

yea yea

i just haven't felt like it

hopefully a night with the girls will lend some fodder