Thursday, August 31, 2006

when I'm 94...

I think the greatest blessing about getting old is that suddenly you can say whatever you want again without consequence.

When I'm 94...

I will tell it like it is,

even if that means saying "Oh! she got fat!"

or calling someone a "money hungry little bitch"

and I will refer to any pills I am taking as my "birth control."

But perhaps most importantly I will revel in telling my grandchildren about my sex life (both past and hopefully present).

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

bitch bitch whine whine but he's soooo dreamy...


Peter wants me write bad things about him so he can start a blog about how horrible I am.
But how could I ? Look at my pretty "25" yr old man.

Apple doll


My tribute to Myf, the apple doll in all of us.

bitter? no.
shrivelly and a little dry? mais oui.

Where's Liam Wednesdays...


I have to give credit for the idea to Suz...

Lately if I turn around for a single moment I can't find my son anywhere.

Serves 4

Rant #1

There should be certain rules when you open your mouth to speak.
If you are under 25, never had a baby and/or are under 120lbs then the words "I am getting so fat" should never come out of your mouth. Neither should you feel obligied to tell people how you are going to raise your children with the obvious implication that whatever they are doing is wrong.

Rant #2

Never underestimate the power of a person to delude themself. I do understand that maybe its easier to accept that you are something you aren't in your own head but don't subject the rest of us to your fantasy world. Is it really necessary to tell everyone you are a size 6 when it is obvious that you are a 14? And if you are going to eat a dessert that serve 4 please accept that Kelly Ripa will never be your girlfriend...

Chocolate and puckettes


I realized I was honestly OLD when I started having to call people and ask what random phrases I remember of conversations mean. I mean to say that I remember saying the particular phrase say "chocolate and puckettes" but I am completely baffled as to the context and preceeding conversation that led me to say it. I know it had something to do with charlie and the chocolate factory (the new one) and an angry willy wonka but beyond that or how we managed to get on the topic i dont have a single clue. I'm just passing it off as yet another glory of turning 30 (oh and the sangria).

I have to thank chris for the photo montage from my birthday!

The many faces of alisa...with something infront of my face every single time...mostly to piss him off.

The toilet brush fairy


YES I AM THE MOST HORRIBLE MOTHER EVER.

it's official.

And his first word was BLOG


Today like most others with Liam started walking began with me shouting NO NO (which I'm sure Liam will soon think is his name) and then either being followed into and out of everyroom I even think about walking into. Or if I sit down for a single minute, the dangerous silence that follows as Liam finds his opportunity to sneak around the house. The latest favourite room is the bathroom which I can happily say I have peed alone for some time in. "The Sneak" is also often accopanied by "The Bang and Scream"or the lil' monkey walking back into my office with something I can't identify in his hands until it is in my lap. Most recently, toilet paper (which conveniently led back from whence it came), a tampon and the bath tub plug. All wonderfully delicious things I wish I could say as a better mother probably would are/should be out of reach of "No No."

Of course I'm not a better mother and my "relaxed" attitude towards Liam and what he does when he's in his playpen, in the backyard, sneaking through the house alone or running in traffic does have a down side. Apparently, I, the "relaxed" mother, am baby-ing my 9 month old too much when I hold him if he is screaming hysterically in fear. THAT'S all I'm going to say about it.