beg plead cry

Lesson for today:

no matter how much you beg plead and cry for your friend who works at child services to come and take the screaming snotty mess of a monster formerly known as Liam from you...

she won't.

remind me again...why did we have children?

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

Ich suche mama.

Ten on Tuesday: 10 things i would do if i were younger

1. figure out the whole emo fashion thing - goths with bling
2. pierce my nose
3. start saving for retirement
4. take a trip around the world
5. dye my hair pink
6. just be completely carefree
7. go wild
8. go out every night
9. end up in rehab
10. flee the country

Next week: 10 Things I'd Like to Learn How to Do

perfection - HA!

And my perfect oscar date is......

as if this wasn't obvious. we were meant to be....

104

i put the little weather ticker doey thingy in to remind myself how much i am actually looking forward to going to cuba.

it's 104 degrees there today with the humidity.

104

mmmmmmm

schhhhhhweaty...

Mindful Mommy Mondays

there's a what? where?

5 weeks

We leave on our vacation in 5 weeks. It will be my first time without Liam for more than 24 hours in 16 months.

This is where we are going....I know. I know. Paradise. sigh.

Oh and it's 90 degrees there today.
it's -23 here.

why do i feel like the worst mommy in the world ?

Flashy fridays

I've heard of a flash in the pan but...

that's a whole other flash I don't wanna know about

so beautiful

Ok I know my kid is cute and all but a lady actually stopped us in costco yesterday.

"your son is so beautiful"

"thank you"

"really... he is just beautiful"

"ummm..........thanks"

Are you planning on abducting him?

Where's Liam Wednesdays...(thursday edition)

all so funny til someone runs off a cliff

Ten on Tuesday: 10 foods I hate

1. liver - did you know that liver is the organ the takes the garbage your body can't consume?
2. risotto - gooey mess
3. steak tartar
4. water chestnuts
5. green beans
6. sardines
7. anchovies
8. lima beans
9. those big mushrooms people pretend are meat
10. white chocolate

Next week: 10 things i would do if i were younger

Mindful Mommy Mondays - Tuesday edition

Liam has perfected completely ignoring even the loudest scream.

damn i'm funny too

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Flashy fridays

after spending an hour with the lawyer this morning
Peter and I were presented with this - cartoons and all.

lmao

Toddlers Toddlers and MORE - ehn you get the point

if i take my hands off it - it WILL disappear.

this is andrew's LOOK! watch out.

already self conscious about the spots Amber wonders "why is that chic staring at me?"

(the floor is like a mirror - seriously you could do your hair in it)

parumpapumpum

on the run again

if I stand perfectly still behind this no one will see me...

harrrumph - what do i have to do to get some attention around here?

I totally stopped listening like an hour ago, mama


JUST. GIVE. UP. mama...

time travel

Don't you just wish you could write yourself a letter at a particularly difficult moment open it up and all the answers would be there...

Theodora did. And it's genius. GO READ IT!

diggin out

oh winter - now i remember why i hate you so....

yes, that's our neighbour's car UNDER the snow drift.

and the snow blowing marathon begins

Luckily, Liam and I stayed inside toasty warm in our PJs.

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

Entschuldigen Sie bitte!

Ten on Tuesday: 10 things I worry about

1. Liam - generally how badly I will screw him up
2. my relationship - see above reasoning
3. my weight
4. cellulite
5. our upcoming vacation
6. not contributing financially
7. having another child
8. my family
9. how dirty the house is
10. whether a friend is mad at me (at any given moment)

next week : 10 foods I hate

how you got here...

You! YES, you.

you may have entered my sweet little blog by googling one of the top 4 :

1. tangentile (not a word by the way)
2. rub burlington (oh my)
3. puckettes (damn no that's not a word either)
4. PJ Fairytales (oh god what if that's actually someone)

Mindful Mommy Mondays

"C...C...C...Me-a Me-a Me-a"
try not to look like your having so much fun while being chased by the courgar, hunny

Flashy fridays

they say everything's bigger in Texas

Just spit on it

In our house "just spit on it" has become the new catch phrase.

For instance:

"internet is down"

"just spit on it" ,

"i don't know what to do about the garbage"

"just spit on it" ,

"we're all out of mayo for my sandwich"

"just spit on it"

OR

"Liam ran head first into the table"

"just spit on it"

(in such a case i never know whether to spit on Liam or the table)

You get the point.

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

Liam's typical morning run ends in him climbing "uP"

and then saying "noooooooo"

Mindful Mommy Mondays

Liam would walk right up to one of these big boys, smack their noses
and "ARF ARF ARF!" at them.

But a mini schnauzer he backs away in utter terror...

O-TA!

Liam loves the Lakota commerial with the old native guy (you know the one who plays the generic old native guy in all the movies) and he holds up his arthritic old fist at the end and says:

"Lakota"

Well Liam thinks it's hilarious if he also makes a fist and yells:

"O-TA!"

I'm sure somehow I'll get in shit for this post being racist against natives. Seems I'm getting blamed for everything these days.

where to draw the line

Sometimes I can be too honest. However, I am one of the few people in the world who are.

So when you think you are sparing someone's feelings or being polite and then later it comes back at you like a wild pack of 2 year olds hopped up on sugar smacks and lolly pops, and some how 3+ people end up getting their "feelings hurt" but the person who was spared to begin with hasn't got a FLIPPIN' clue....

You have to start to wonder. What the HECK was the point in all that mustard???

Maybe I am more naive about people than I think I am...

Flashy fridays

This is your brain on beans.

umm, I have a few questions....

TAG-Nabbit!

Queen Bad Mamma tagged me with the 6 Weird things meme.

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

I should ask my friends to write this one...or maybe just Peter (he says he could come up with 100 but they'd all have sexual content inappropriate for this blog).

1. my legs and arms are constantly itchy. It's probably in my head as it feels like crawly skin more than actual itchiness... I scratch without thinking sometimes when I'm watching TV or reading almost to the point of bleeding.

2. I still get irrationally afraid of the dark and the basement. Especially when Peter isn't home. I sometimes will not go downstairs all day and I can't walk into a dark room - like the storage room under the stairs....ooo boogie man is gonna reach out of the darkness and grab me. Peter wonders why he comes home and finds all the lights on.

3. At one point in my life I decided to pierce my right nipple (cause you need to know which one) I took it out at 28 and so when I was breastfeeding Liam he would always sputter and gag cause the milk would come out of that nipple faster and more liberally than the other one. Oh and I could shoot it across the room! SOOOOO COOL!

4. I truly enjoy being buck naked in the sun. Particularly on a beach on a caribbean island. There's nothing quite like the feeling of sand between your slightly sun-burned ass cheeks. chee-chee-chee...

5. Apparently, I have the un-canny ability to get myself kicked out of a mommy group for no apparent reason. I don't know why I even tried to be honest. I don't get along with most women. Probably because...

6. I don't like to talk about my feeling and get all emotional about relationships and crap. I can't remember the last time I cried at a movie. If I did, it was while I was pregnant and that can't count.

And I tag Suz, Domestic Slacktress, Chris, Tina, Corinna and (dammit everyone else has done this damn thingy!).