All life is an experiment.

magic and wonder

2008-01-07T20:02:00.000-05:00

Liam's real first christmas has to be this year - he GOT it this year. He GOT santa.

so when christmas morning came and i went into his room to get him in santa's hat - i was greeted with the biggest most radiant smile and:

"Merry Christmas mommy, you're wearing santa's hat."

then we walked to the living room (or i walked and he hopped while grasping my hand) and saw the tree loaded with presents:

"presents...(he whispered) look what santa brought for me"

now unwrapping gifts with a 2 year old is a long and tedious affair. each gift is not only unwrapped but also unpackaged and played with before moving onto the next. needless to say he was spoiled rotten by everyone - we have more thomas trains and tracks, mac trucks, dinky cars and tonka than one child should own. and of course all the clothes got tossed over his shoulder without a second look.

pretzels

2008-01-07T18:58:00.000-05:00

luckily for me the flight home was slightly more -- i'd like to enjoyable but unconscious is the word.

i literally heard... 'when we reach 30 000 feet we will begin our beverage and snack service. today's snack is cookies or pretzels...'

and then 'we are now beginning our descent to Toronto'

yeah somehow i passed out - sheer exhaustion. after 4 days that seemed like an eternity of crying, breakdowns, shopping trips, snow, sleeping of the magically deflating air mattress and plate after plate of finger foods - i suppose i was entitled to a black out.

and i needed it cause i stepped off the plane and literally had to hit the ground running.

christmas events began only 3 hours after i landed.

recipe for flight from hell

2008-01-07T18:43:00.000-05:00

it's been awhile so i'll back track a bit....

After my uncle's untimely death i flew out to Winterpeg for the funeral. Finding a flight out was a big deal less than a week before christmas. I had to fly out of Toronto. Now...if you know Pearson at all you know why i HATE that airport.

December 20, 2007

i arrive of course ridiculously early for a domestic flight cause at pearson you just never know how long things are going to take or if at any moment you could get tazzered for not saying the right thing. so... i had to wait around at the "loading dock" for about 90 minutes but of course the flight was delayed. so i sat and read not so bad if a tea and a bagel didnt cost $40 at the airport. the loading dock had an inordinately large number of people waiting... i knew the flight was sold out.

Finally we board. once on board i begin to realize that the cat, and 4 lap dogs i saw milling about on the loading dock are now IN THE CABIN. i have allergies. i have asthma. and then i look around and notice the plane also has about 30 kids, 2 infants and seated beside me is a jumbo-size korean (seriously 6'4 - 250) who already has his laptop and ipod out on his tray table and his elbow firmly imbedded in my ribs for the REST OF THE FLIGHT.

after de-icing and various other staffing issues - we take off.

and then...

the cat lets out a horror filled MEEEEEEEEOOOOWWW. all the dogs then begin barking - you know that shrill yapping noise little dogs do and all the children start screaming about the dogs and cat simultaneously. and the mouthy spoiled little toronto brat behind me keeps kicking my goddamn chair.

in a confined space.

for 2.35 hours.

deep breath. while i could. you know that 4 dogs and a cat in a recycled air environment for that long does to someone with allergies. yeah we had to stop at a drug store to get extra strength benedryl and it took 2 to calm my swollen eyes, running nose and to let me breathe normally again.

Holly Jolly Daze

2007-12-29T13:39:00.000-05:00

Christmas was a whirlwind.
Liam was busy every minute of every day for the past week.

a merry chirstmas to all and to all a good night.

black christmas

2007-12-19T12:45:00.000-05:00

for the second year in a row we will be attending funeral services within days of christmas. Grandma Toole passed away last year...

this year i will be flying out to Winnipeg to pay my respects to my uncle phil. he was a great father, a wonderful uncle and a good person who died too young, 54. and even though he lived 1512 km away he was the best uncle i have in a family who is shattered already. i am weakened by his loss...sometimes i find my knees just can't hold me up.

i am acheing with grief for his wife, son and daughter left behind and all the wonderful things he will miss. it's still raw. it's still in the back of my throat. i have been unable to swallow it but need to be stong for my mother, my cousins and my aunt. my flight leaves tomorrow.

i wish everyone a merry christmas and will post again sometime after the pain fades.

abominable snow monster

2007-12-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

we spent 45 minutes in the snow, yes we put him to work, and the little monster loved every last second of it.

wolf wolf wolf

2007-12-16T21:45:00.001-05:00

the weather network is OFFICIALLY the little boy who cried wolf. i mean cripes. STORM OF THE CENTURY!! CRIPPLING STORM!! yeah. umm. 10 hours out and they STILL GOT IT WRONG! not that we got no snow. we got snow. but it wasnt crippling. and it was not the storm of the century. i swear one time they are going to be like "no really this time we're SURE there will ACTUALLY be some significant snow." and NO ONE will believe them. cause they are WRONG ALL THE TIME.

sorry but if i was wrong all the time...i would switch fucking careers.

i believe

2007-12-14T17:57:00.000-05:00

i dont care who you are that is f*%king santa.

liam pulled off one decent shot from the bunch and

asked for "presents" - i had a whole list of my own that

santa graciously listened to.

'luxe

2007-12-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

i dont often treat myself to some of life's greatest little luxuries. but i had this gift card waiting for the perfect moment when all i needed was either a morning to myself or to join the circus. luckily for everyone the circus is not in town...

so i went to the spa at ancaster. and ooo ahhh....

i had and hour and forty-five minutes of heaven while a sweet polish lady scrubbed, picked, massaged and masked my poor sad worn old face. it was outstanding. i almost fell asleep i was so relaxed. and i promise - that if i win the lottery not only am i treating all my girlfriends to this wonderful experience but i am going every month.

FYI - my face is so soft and smooth it feels like a ripe peach...or liam's sweet little freshly washed bum. geepers he was so little then - i need new embarrassing bum photos of him...

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Things I Want for Christmas

2007-12-11T10:53:00.000-05:00

a vacation - hell a sleeping weekend at a spa would do me good right now
socks - i just want to start over, throw everything out - i can NEVER find a pair
a professional organizer to come do my basement
a maid
a new bedroom set
new sheets, new duvet & new mattress pad
an easel and and area to paint
a set of good brushes
a set of good board games
peace and joy

Next week: 10 New Years Resolutions - lets get them out early so we can start working on them!

chrismakawanzikah-izing the house

2007-12-11T10:46:00.000-05:00

the tree ended up being A LOT bigger than i intended. and then there were A LOT more lights on it than i intended (1200 - you could see it from space). but all in all - it's a pretty great tree.

gay pirate

2007-12-10T18:29:00.000-05:00

i hate max & ruby. for those who are lucky enough to not know who max & ruby are please quickly punch yourself in the leg to get an inkling of the feeling i get while they are on.

so liam is watching max & ruby while i am (half-assing) making dinner. from the living room i hear:

max: yo ho ho

liam: you who who

max: yo ho ho

liam: you who who

wondering how long this torture was going to continue...

mommy: liam it's YO HO HO

liam: you who who

max: yo ho ho

liam: you who who

if you're wondering how long i'm going to let this go on...

so i shout: YO HO HO!!!!

liam shouts back: YOU WHO WHO!!!

yeah i'm just gonna let it go. so what if liam knows the gay pirate call sign.

big boy room

2007-12-07T16:36:00.000-05:00

wooo hooo! its done.

well except for the closet.

and all i have to say is f%#k the depot.

there can be only one

2007-12-07T14:07:00.000-05:00

we were joined on our now weekly sojourn to the early years centre by Carrie, Benjamin and baby Thomas. we were thinking the whole time "aww wont it be fun to see the boys play together?" yeah i'm not sure they even made eye contact. ehn we tried. but everyone had a fun and exhausting morning playing and snacking at "school".

when i asked liam to tell daddy about it at dinner he remembered everyone's name but one. the baby. who mommy was holding and he kept a careful eye on in case he should sneak off with me for a snuggle or worse come home with us.

what was the baby's name mommy was holding?

i dont know

yes you do. remember....

no.

his name was thomas

no not thomas, he's not thomas, no way.

cause of course there can be only one.

clearing out

2007-12-05T12:50:00.001-05:00

the move to liam's big boy room has prompted a massive clear out of all things baby. well may not ALL things baby. but A LOT! i am surrounded by bins of baby clothes, baby toys, baby blankets, bassinet, carriers, exersaucers, snugli's etc. they are all going to good homes.

sigh. my baby isnt a baby anymore...

i can't believe was ever that small.....oh right HE WASN'T! i basically gave birth to a toddler. and weed just keeps growing - i mean come on. we can barely keep up with the changing clothes sizes. or shoes for that matter.

ten on tuesday 10 Favorite Things to Complain About

2007-12-04T09:12:00.000-05:00

liam
my family
my weight
weather
not having enough time
construction / road conditions
people swearing around my toddler (who mimics them)
money
most people cannot drive
when tv shows dialogue is quiet and the cars or crashing or whatever is so loud it wakes your sleeping toddler in his big boy bed

Next week: 10 Things You Want for Christmas (or in general if you’re a “Holiday” type)

my big man

2007-12-02T20:38:00.000-05:00

liam has been insisent since his 2nd birthday that he is a big boy. so we went ahead and put together liam's big boy room and bed. he then promptly as if by cue - smashed his face off the "safety rail" and chipped his 2 top front teeth. i couldnt even look.

so we went to the dentist and he smoothed out the damage and now he is only about 1% less cute than before. and i'm sure my dangerous and fearless little man will come home with MANY MANY MANY more injuries in the coming years.

i have to say that although the initial big boy bed experience was negative (OUCH) liam is quite taken with sleeping in the big boy bed. we have had two whole successful nights in the bed. alas, we are back to getting up at 5:30am.

babies babies and MORE babies

2007-12-02T20:27:00.000-05:00

Friday was officially baby day. Peter's cousin gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl, Ava Rose and friends of our in Ottawa gave birth to a very cute little man, Rowan Derek. Then ( as if that weren't enough with the babies) i went to keith's baby shower.

as many of you may not know (or may have by now guessed) I am not really a girly girl. typically these types of things have brought up a genuine feeling of revulsion in me. however, in case anyone forgot, I AM INSANELY HAPPY for keith, and well, feeling more than a little nostalgic about the whole baby thing.

skinning a cat

2007-11-28T12:42:00.000-05:00

so as to not end up in an asylum one day - i took liam to a more social environ than our living room.

we went to the early years centre at the college for 2 hours (!!) this morning. admittedly liam (in the winter) doesnt have much interaction with kids his own age. the park is simply not an option when it is below 0. so off we trotted to a large playroom/classroom filled to capacity (20) with kids 8 months to 5 years.

remarkably well handled the kids played without much incident. also really without much interaction. toddlers mimic play beside other kids not so much play WITH them. so liam would sidle up to a kid and play beside him/her, occasionally steal a toy or 2 and then tell one of the mommies or "teachers" in the room to come play with him. ehn. we'll keep trying.

i just dont want him to end up skinning the cat one day.

ten on tuesday: 10 best games

2007-11-27T18:21:00.000-05:00

i dont play computer games really so bear with me...

scrabble - i kick ass at scrabble
battleship
connect four
some card game we played at the cottage it was complicated but fun
peggle
trivial pursuit
taboo - ooh loud times
twister - nasty fun (better when you are drunk)
solitaire
tetris

Next week: 10 Favorite Things to Complain About

peeing on the potty

2007-11-27T18:19:00.000-05:00

and so the potty training ACTUALLY begins again.

we had a good start. and stop. and start again.

well we have peed on the potty and got a round of applause plus a rather catchy song "peein on the potty" with a tango beat, offically 3 times now!

oh dear god let it stick this time.

i'm sooooo sick of diapers.

buckets o' birthday fun

2007-11-26T10:54:00.000-05:00

Liam turned 2 yesterday. i'm still shaking my head and wondering how i ended up with the cutest (sorry but he is!) and the smartest (yes i'm allowed to brag) child in the whole world. fyi - when it comes to liam i am prone to sweeping statements like that. they are all true however.

thank god we chose to keep this one small. one other child and all of his uncles is enough to get liam spinning like a top. add some presents and chips and he didnt go to bed til 9.

as usual liam was spoiled silly but we are well equipt for our big boy room now! we'll be making the big move in a couple weeks.

going postal

2007-11-23T16:45:00.000-05:00

seriously "festive" (cause they aint all xmas) cards are overunning me this year. some how i have ended up sending like 70 cards this year??!!

what the heck?

thank goodness i chose to cheat on the family card and have **Fostmo print them out and all i had to do is address them. cause frankly signing my name, peter's and liam's too and THEN addressing them is just too much work.

so dont be disappointed when your "festive" card doesnt contain my scrawl.

merry festive something or other and all the jazz!

christmas-izing

2007-11-22T21:06:00.001-05:00

and whispered:

oh mommy it's so beautiful

i see santa

mommy.....

santa is coming

pure joy.

lil pink nips

2007-11-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

or
it's really no secret that my SO is a hottie mctottie but i dont think i've mentioned his lil' pink nips before.

they are so sweet and cute i'm gonna package them up and make some strange japanese candy out of them. (this is all for you baby)

this would be the canadian peanut butter version. hehehe

mommy what you doing?

2007-11-21T15:25:00.001-05:00

mom what you doing? where you going? mom. mommy. what you doing now mommy? i pressed the button for you. i want my yoyo please. old mcdonald had a farm...i pressed the button for you. i pressed it. i pressed the button for you. what's this mom? how 'bout the brushes mom? cut it cut it cut it. cut cut cut cut. keep almost moving mom. mommy went away. mommy what you doin'? keep almost moving mom. no. look at them. it's beautiful. it's crayon. look at them. it's beautiful mom. it's mine. it's mine. it's mine. look at them. they're beautiful mom. they are beautiful crayons. look what i made. look what i made for you. i dont see santa. something else. something in the book. the boogie man? no. what's in the book. i want a picture mom. i want a picture. mom. mommy. i want strawberry jam. i want strawberry jam. rip it mommy rip it. look i made for you mom. look what i made. it's beautiful. look at the beautiful picture i made. he's got long toes. look athe house. it's beautiful.

the ENDLESS CHATTER....

i will never complain if it's quiet EVER AGAIN!

confessions of a madonna fan

2007-11-21T12:50:00.000-05:00

yeah i'm listening to madonna.

surreal life

2007-11-19T16:31:00.000-05:00

november is a big month. full of birthdays!

Papa is the 16th.
Peter's is the 20th.
Shan's the 21st.
Liam's the 25th.

so as we come up to birthday week (!!) i am reminded how important birthdays actually are.

Liam turns 2 in 6 days.
I remember so clearly seeing the line appear on the pregnancy test i swear it CANNOT be that long ago. but i'm sure that every mother feels this way.

i often sit back and watch nana (Peter's mom) watching her son (who i'm sure she can remember the exactly moment she found out she was pregnant too) play with and laugh with his own son. it must be surreal.

i am stunned that is walking (haha running), talking little man is that tiny little blip i saw on a ultrasound 2 years and 7 months ago. if the next years go anywhere near as fast i will be looking at my son with his own and shaking my head at the speed of life and how bizarre it all is.

frickity frick frack

2007-11-19T16:27:00.000-05:00

no secret that i hate dentists. its nothing personal just a fear and loathing thing since childhood.

so today after having a filling replaced and the freezing wore out of my half paralyzed face i am literally writhing in pain. the gum ,tooth and entire mouth is throbbing and aching and feels as though someone (i'm not naming names dr. m) put a white hot poker swirled it around my mouth (for good measure) and then shoved it up into my sinus cavity.

advil oh thou art my only friend...

has he even seen that movie?

2007-11-16T19:32:00.000-05:00

like a scene out of a bad 90's comedy --

liam held the sides of his face walked up to me and said

"oh no oh no my crane oh no it's gone"

flirty

2007-11-16T13:25:00.000-05:00

without a doubt in my mind -- LIAM IS A MARTIN.

he flirts with EVERY woman everywhere we go. he shouts hello to them - tells them about his day and then dazzles them with a charming smile. many older women think this is the cutest thing - however i am sometimes not so impressed with the introductions and explanations.

good morning lady

hello and how are you today?

we are getting liam's big boy bed

you are a big boy.

yes i am tall and big. this is momma she's big too.

THANKS LIAM!

the santa threat

2007-11-16T12:40:00.000-05:00

i have to say the best part of this age is the threat of santa. liam is just starting to get who Santa is and what the hell he is all about.

so seeing as all the stores started decorating for christmas back in august we've had plenty of time to put the santa threat to good use. the giant blow up santa's and multiple santa statues littering the stores are a superb for getting the child to stop with the NO WAY! which FYI is liam's stock answer. TO EVERYTHING! and to stop the whining.

whoever thought of the naughty list and the lump of coal is my personal HERO!

dammit the truth of my bad mama status is revealed

2007-11-13T18:29:00.000-05:00

staples is not a store i frequent and is a tough store to convince liam to go into but i never knew the best way to get him in and out is a simple yet effective security camera.

and he shouted

i'm on the fucking television

yucko-o!

2007-11-12T17:36:00.000-05:00

i wont eat a water buffalo

nooooo

not a water buffalo

not for breakfast

yuck-o!

thanks liam.

artsy fartsy

2007-11-12T13:58:00.000-05:00

i used to paint. i used to be quite crafty in many ways. over the years many (all) of these talents of mine have fallen to the wayside for work, life, etc. generally speaking, being too busy has been my excuse. but now as a SAHM i have a couple hours luxury ME time (aka nap time) each day.

so i started painting again.

it's going ok. i forgot more than i care to admit and now am struggling with composition. when to say enough and when to keep adding until it feels complete. not as easy as you might think.

i've always preferred simple compositions and well simple and beautiful is often more difficult than a mess of objects and colour.

the painting is a gift for someone. and i hope they appreciate that it may not be perfect or even my best work. but it does come from my heart and well i am using my ME time on their gift (dammit).

NO! recovery

2007-11-12T13:53:00.000-05:00

liam and i are recovery after a relatively (i'm told) short (though it felt like FOREVER) viral infection. weee!

back to his old self liam's favourite word is NO! again although now that he was coddled and given everything he wanted for a week NO! is followed by a million other NO!'s and a thousand NO MAMA!'s.

needless to say this is not sitting well with me.

the terrible twos havent officially begun (OMG only 13 more days) i am sure that liam has hit his NO! stride. i doubt we will hear a positive word from his mouth until he is 30 and has a child of his own screaming NO! in his face.

WTF it's thursday??!!

2007-11-08T19:04:00.000-05:00

ok i dont know where i've been. ok i do know. it's called toddler FSC** hell.

**Fever Snot Cough

in toddler FSC hell - there is no sleeping. there is no eating. there is ONLY crying and whining and snot and complaining and coughing and more snot and more crying (mommy this time).

so without a moment to myself on the verge of mental and physical breakdown i came on here to say....

i'm tired. i'll be asleep until 2009. (yeah i WISH)

knittin and bitchin

2007-11-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

i started knitting. yeah i'm 80. i also watch coronation street. it's official - i am an OLD LADY. get out the blue hair dye and the box of perm from shoppers.

officially my first project is not going quite as well as i'd hoped but it is going. i would ideally like to have 2 baby blankets by christmas a girl one and boy. i MIGHT have one done. so those of you who are preggers and having the munchkin around the xmas or new year just hold off a couple weeks, mmmmm k? no? please?

got the fever!

2007-11-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

yeah i'm singing the song too. not happily though. Liam has had a low grade fever that has made him mister grumpy pants and mister not sleeping pants all weekend. short or no naps up all hours and waking up for day at 5:30am.

so miss smarty pants me decided this morning to go to michael's craft store. bad idea. but then i was among good company i think everyone in there this morning was a mommy with a grumpy talkative and grabby toddler. i promised him if he was good boy we'd go to the "kitty cat store" (pet smart) cause he loves animals - pet stores are hard to even drive by without him noticing anymore. so he was ok in the store not exactly good but he didnt scream just said "no" a million times and "how about this?" about a thousand times and then grabby multiple items off every narrow aisle and close display we went down so that by the time we were checking out he was screeching "kitty cat store" at the top of his lungs.

"kitty cat store" was a HUGE mistake. he LOVES cats. and doesnt want to leave the kitty cats at the store. even when i tell him we can't take them home cause they are someone elses.

and he LOST IT! freaked out. right out front of the kitty cat store.

yeah i'm done. naptime for mommy too.

** update: he only slept for 30 mins. at least i think he slept amybe he just laid there. anyways no sleep for anybody. woot.

just like any other male

2007-11-01T20:36:00.000-04:00

liam will listen to and do everything this girl says.

i could be standing right beside him shouting his name but

the pretty blue haired girl with the big blue eyes and perky raver girl gettup

asks him to do ANYTHING and he does it.

without even hestitating

ahh liam's first crush.

of course nothing will change as he gets older

he'll still ignore his mother

and end up being lead around by some cutie girl

asking him to run on the spot or flap his arms or....

halloween - a RRRROOOOOARing good time!

2007-10-31T21:49:00.001-04:00

First we went to the mall

where we roared at all the girls and ate donuts

then we dressed up for nana and uncle chad

then we roared through the neighbourhood

we got ALOT of candy (mostly smarties and chips)
liam picked most of it himself

a up-roar-ious* time was had by all!

*it's late gimme a break

happy halloween

2007-10-31T13:51:00.000-04:00

i will post this year's costume later today!

lurkers beware

2007-10-31T13:48:00.000-04:00

seriously....would it?

i know who you are

i know you are reading this

dont make me come over there

diabolical dentifrice

2007-10-30T20:50:00.000-04:00

I truely do have a fear of the dentist. so appropriately we (the 3 of us) had dentist appt's today.

ooo inspections and cleanings.

good news first...no cavities just a loose filling and hopefully they can just repair my veneer. though it is 20 years old and frankly anything that OLD needs to be replaced. at least i feel like that EVERY DAY!

i do have legitimate reasons for my fear...as a child i had to have numerous (4) teeth pulled as they came in too soon and were too big for my mouth. and various years of poking and prodding to get this tooth to go that way and this way. oh and not to mention the broken front tooth when i was 11. by broken i mean in HALF. then there were the years with a crazy polish lady dentist who knew my mom (a teacher) had great insurance so would "say i had cavities" or needed things done (a root canal when i was 13) cause she was a sadistic greedy bitch. obviously i didnt need a root canal and began to question EVERYTHING a dentist and well any medical professional would tell me.

so i came in a teensy bit on edge, maybe a weeee bit negative, possibly already preparing myself for (pictured above) the worst possible scenario...

i survived.

liam was a champ. let the dentist look at his teeth and didnt even bite him...

course if i was to put my finger into his mouth he'd chomp down on it like it was the best damn hunk of chicken finger he ever had.

they're all going to laugh at you

2007-10-29T20:35:00.001-04:00

i am totally going as carrie's mom for halloween next year.

and GOD i want to have daughter so we can dress up as

blood soaked i just killed everyone at my highschool prom carrie and psychotic bible beating multiple stab wound murder suicide mom

that would be so awesome

the best sitter ever

2007-10-29T18:30:00.001-04:00

i dont care what you think of me

but this little mujerzuela is my sitter when i need to

get anything done quickly and efficiently

or i just need 2 minutes without this

big box shopping hell

2007-10-29T17:55:00.001-04:00

i think my personal shopping hell (other than this) has to be big box stores - you know who you are...i dont need to be sued. I do hate shopping there on a good day but apparently since it is already Christmas (no one told you either huh?) there was a mad rush of 25 cans of pickled pickeral - just in case. everyone in ancaster either does not work or took the day off to go to (we'll call it Fostmo**) to buy too much stuff they really dont need for alot more money then they need to spend cause frankly everyone i know who lives in ancaster is either a D.I.N.K. or a real estate agent (really the same thing just spelt another way).

so anyways as we amuse liam with the many tins of this and packages of that and he screams loudly over the din "i want bread" as we walk though the bakery section filled with 24" pies and 6 loaves of bread - i am on a mission. see one item i usually buy is remarkably on coupon. normally i dont do coupons (no no dont get me wrong i just dont do coupons cause if you have ever gone shopping with peter you'll know why)-- but i thought ehn he's not here i'll get to save $3 woot.

I kid you not...i walked around the entire store 4 times. if you've been in a Fostmo** before you know that is a LONG LONG LONG WAY. i also resorted to asking an employee (3 in fact) to find said coupon item - that they advertise -- at the front of the store...

3 Fostmo** employees and i were wandering up and down the aisles as they mumbled--

it should be over here, well if it's not there it has to be here, did you check the front, it has to be on an end, you're sure it's on coupon....

i got to the cash and left and told lovely lady who cheerily checked my buggy that someone should make a map of the store and hand it out EVERY DAY to EVERY employee.

my little tip.

from the chilly smile i got back i'm guessing my suggestion went right into the trash.

**names have been changed to protect the guilty

deaf and dumb

2007-10-25T11:11:00.000-04:00

after getting up at 5:40am this morning the little monster has been nothing less than a whiney screaming crying tantrum throwing mess. and didnt i say i was shooting myself in the foot?

so of course i went to walmart.

cause really isnt every kid in walmart like that?

the entire oh 20 mintues i could last without putting liam in the pile of pomegranates and running screaming hysterically from the store. i realized that i can tune him out completely. that i can be that parent who just doesnt seem to hear the insessant 'i want a toy", "i want a bread", " mommy noooooooo" and the whimpering and crying. so i became just like every other mother of a toddler today carrying on with my shopping as though my child wasnt a monsterous banshee screaming at the top of his lungs while everyone WITHOUT a child in the store looked at me like i was obviously the WORST mother in the world and shouldnt i be doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING about the ear-popping toodler right in front of me. the best is the looks of i got were from the other moms though...as though we were part of a secret society that doesnt have a password or handshake just a slight nod of the head and an understanding that connects us all in our unique ability to not give a flying CRAP what people without kids think AT ALL!!!

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

2007-10-24T17:50:00.001-04:00

might have over dressed him a weeeeee bit

decisions decisions

2007-10-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

i can't decide what to be for halloween.....

obviously my alter ego is vast and wide ranging. maybe i can combine them somehow.

hmmmm...naked dead singing cheerleader. i like it.

attack of the nice

2007-10-23T14:09:00.001-04:00

there is such a thing as too nice. and such a thing as too much nice.

i do like stores where you are greeted by a smile and friendly acknowledgement. however, there has to be some kind of record going at OLD NAVY these days. in the past couple of weeks liam and i have walked through the old navy store at the mall only to be "greeted" about a thousand times. i have done my share of retail work where the all too chipper manager becomes a cheerleader at the beginning of the shift - GO OUT THERE AND SELL SELL SELL !! SMILE SMILE SMILE!! but without a word of a lie we were said hello to about 20 times today. i was asked if i needed help about 18 out of the 20 times. i couldnt turn a corner or or touch a sweater without being attacked by a overly friendly twenty something with braces and bad skin shouting HELLO! and CAN I HELP YOU??!!!

NO DAMMIT! AND STOP SAYING HELLO!!!

i left without buying anything. i NEVER do that. if they dont want me to shop there anymore all they have to do is keep on with the cheerleader attitude...

dare i say it?

2007-10-22T20:07:00.000-04:00

dare i put to type what i have been thinking most of the past 7 days....

is it just my imagination or is it getting easier?

is this the calm before the storm?

am i just becoming used to the maelstrom?

am i just better medicated?

liam seems to be getting easier with stuff lately. he's taking to eating with a fork fairly often if not every meal. we hardly fights me when we have anywhere to go and i'm in a hurry. he tells me when he poops and pees and every now and then does it on the potty. even the tantrums are getting less out of control.

of course I HAVE shot myself in the foot here...

cause you know tomorrow the little monster with rear his gleaming little eyes and the horns will come out and well.... all hell will break loose.

but at least i'll always have those 7 days.

Hay there!

2007-10-22T19:52:00.000-04:00

Liam is such a fall child. surrounded by pumpkins and crisp yellow and red leaves liam shines. his blue eyes gleam with joy at the suggestion of a walk through the woods to crunch the leaves and everyday he rearranges (several times) the growing multitude of pumpkins on our porch.

our little family had a wonderful day picking pumpkins, going for a hay ride, feeding the animals and generally running a muck due to the unseasonably warm weather. it was a perfect day.

but not without consequences...

liam asked for MORE pumpkins today and another ride on the tractor as soon as he woke up this morning. in fact the first words he said to me at 6am were:

-- more tractors mom and more pumpkins toooooooo

battle of the bum change

2007-10-17T18:35:00.000-04:00

potty training is 2 steps forward 3 steps back. we are at the 3 steps back and holding stage....

liam however puts up a fight EVERYTIME we have to change his bum. by fight i dont just mean whining and carrying on. i mean he will drop his entire body weight, kick, scream, flip around, punch and cry.

why does it have to be a fight?

whyyyy??

joining the cast

2007-10-17T16:18:00.000-04:00

I am starting to believe that liam has super-human healing abilities.

'cause like what 2 days ago his bottom lip was clearly split and teeth CLEARLY went THROUGH the lip.

if you looked at him today it looks like he has a paper cut on his lip.

so maybe i have bred the next generation of super hero...

Ten on Tuesday: 10 things that worry me

2007-10-16T20:41:00.000-04:00

Liam's eating habits - he's a grazer and doesnt usually eat THAT much at one sitting - he's also so thin
uterine or ovarian cancer - my mother had 2 tumors the size of grapefruit removed from her uterus before her hysterectomy when she was only 45
money - but everyone worries about that
getting fat - i really dont have a physical activity i love...
my friends dramatic lives - i know i shouldnt but i worry about them
keeping the house presentable - i'm not martha stewart, cleaning is NOT my joy
peter and i will "divorce" putting liam through hell
someone will read this post and think i am stalking them
i'll run out of time to have another child
that we'll end up have quadruplets just cause i said that

Next week: 10 Useful Internet Sites

i am the oozing bacteria purging from alisa's pores

2007-10-16T20:30:00.000-04:00

YES!! just what i always wanted. to be a 14 year old girl with zits again! yeeah!

cripes. the wonderific so terrific cleanse has caused my skin to erupt in a series of albeit small but equally horrific (for a 31 yr old) zits. i never had much problems with my skin as a teen - my various other problems (a mullet and a skid boyfriend) would have overshadowed these anyhow - but as an adult i find it truely disheartening to have zits and fine lines (fuck ok they're wrinkles).

truth be known - the cleanse week 2 is much harder than week 1...

your body really goes into overdrive on the purging. you're exhausted and you're sick of taking 11 capsules a day. and yes i cheated and had a piece of bread. get off my back!!

blood and tears

2007-10-14T19:53:00.000-04:00

well it just wouldnt be a sunday without some blood and tears lately...

so liam decided in his recent trantrum phase to throw himself around the dining room. though amusing for about oh 20 seconds as i mimic every ridiculous motion and noise eminating from the tyrannical midget, it does rather rapidly get old. and then he hurls himself to the floor.

and bites through his bottom lip.

yup through.

blood. tears. wailing. more blood. gasping. throwing things. clinging to mom. screaming. yet. more. blood.

the only advantage to a large scale post tantrum freak out is that liam literally collasped into unconsciousness - on me. downside being i couldnt put him down without the blood. tears. and wailing repeating itself yet again.

i'm sure it will look worse in the morning so i'll post a photo tomorrow so when peter sues for custody he can show it as evidence i threw the diapered despot to the floor and remained covered in his blood for hours as if a warning (da da daaaa) against any repeat performance.

bribery

2007-10-12T18:14:00.000-04:00

hello my name is alisa and i am a bad mommy

i bribe my son with french fries

yes it's horrible i know

but considering he only gets about 6 to get thru an entire meal i guess it's not soooo bad

right?

beside he could use the fat...

the Friday 5

2007-10-12T12:22:00.000-04:00

What was the last thing you baked? chocolate cupcakes (i'd kill someone for one now)
What was the last thing you tried on for size? jeans (so depressing)
What was the last thing you purchased on credit? groceries (we get airmiles)
What was the last thing you put a postage stamp on? thank you card
What was the last thing you took a photo of? probably liam at thanksgiving

the sound of silence

2007-10-11T16:23:00.000-04:00

liam is mr. jabberjaw

i swear if he is awake - he is talking. there is a running commentary on everything...

circle. draw a circle. circle is blue. blue like thomas. find the tracks. thomas and his friends. gordon has the frieght cars. coal in the frieght cars. toot toot. under the tunnel. auntie andrea's brush. found it mom. i found it. auntie andrea's brush. brush your hair mom. brush your hair. brush your hair. so pretty. snuggle mom snuggle. want to snuggle.monsters coming. thomas and his friends. thomas is the cheeky one. lots of friends. lots of friends mom. trailer fix it. here is thomas. lots of fun. thomas is the cheeky one. cool. blue like the circle.

that was the last 2 minutes of my life.

and peter wonders why i'm not in a chatty mood when he gets home.

how do you ever really know anyone?

2007-10-11T13:32:00.000-04:00

i just finished the pilot's wife by anita shreve - not a book i'd normally read but it was a good departure. it questions how well we think we know people and how well we can actually ever know even the people we are closest to.

i started thinking about how no matter how empathetic we are, how intimate we are - we can really never know -- fully -- who that other person is. you might have similar experiences even similar upbringing - but you cannot think the way they do or imagine as they do. despite spending years of your life with people (friends, family, husband) you cannot ever know what is in their heart. as frightening as that sounds the gulf that really remains between people is even more terrifying because so many of us fail to be honest. REALLY HONEST. because we spend so much time lying to ourselves.

honesty often sucks ass. that's why we lie to ourselves about being ok, happy with our lives and jobs and friends, about what ambitions we have (maybe we have none or they are so embarrassing you don't want to be judged or impossible altogether), about how we feel about people... and no one wants to hear the truth from someone else (trust me).

TODAY'S GOAL: BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH SOMEONE

also i told peter after reading this book before bed:

--i better not find out after your dead that you have this whole other life i know nothing about or i'll punch you in the face

--but i'd be dead

--it'd put the fun back in funeral

i am the black bubbling bile in alisa's bowel

2007-10-11T09:05:00.000-04:00

i am 3 days into a 45 day whole body cleanse. wooo. the cleanse involves not eating wheat, dairy, soy and SUGAR!

the fact is that i am a sugar addict.

--Hello my name is alisa and i am addicted to sugar.

it is my weakness. it is my white whale on this cleanse. call me ishmael...or ahab in a few more days...i'm likely to be as crazed and obsessed. i promise not to go into a diatribe on sugar.

so far i've been good...only one cheat and it was for leftover yams. mom's leftover yams. i mean come on. besides being soaked in sugar they do have all those good yam vitamins still (right?). i'm hedging my bets that one slip wont make that much of a difference in the long run.

my goal of this is to not only purge my body of toxins, chemicals, yeast, bile and make sure the plumbing is in working order but to also lose weight - like at least 20lbs. hence the 45 days. not the typical 15. hence the clinical strength formula. not the "first time user recommended".

i am not a vision of self control and it takes all my will power to face the kitchen full of liams goldfish crackers, oatmeal cookies and yummy chocolate mint york peppermint patties in the freezer.

send me your support and encouragement. i'll need it.

EUREKA!

2007-10-09T21:05:00.000-04:00

so backyardigans is on before bed and Liam is sitting (!!??) beside me on the couch.

pablo and tyrone are singing the EUREKA! song which oddly enough uses the EUREKA! several times.

the mimic pipes up with: areka

mommy: no liam -- EUR -EKA!

mimic: no mommy's-REKA!

and i fall laughing hysterically from the couch.

domesticated

2007-10-09T20:56:00.000-04:00

truthfully though i may come across as the next martha stewart -- perfect in every way -- i do have my faults. i'm sure Peter could name a (few) dozen.

however i did make dinner for eight on thanksgiving which was hosted at our house and i have the proof(!!).

don't ask why i'm am contorted over the turkey as though listening to the sweet sweet sounds of its oh so yummy death march or how i got my head and arm at a perfect 45 degree angle or why i am smiling maniacally like martha stewart on probation.

always know that the hell you are putting in your mouth

2007-10-06T19:49:00.001-04:00

that is the sweetest most tender fish i've ever had

really?

yeah i'm gonna ask what kind it is

(korean waitress walks over)

excuse me, what kind of fish is this?

oh egg

egg fish? really?

no IS EGG

oh.

---------------

what's that?

gyoza

what's in it?

umm i dunno. pork?

really?

it might be cat food...but it sure tastes good. dip it in the sauce.

the angry asian and the topless cowboy

2007-10-06T19:42:00.000-04:00

you know when you just feel disappointed. not like chirstmas morning didnt get malibu barbie playhouse disappointed (yes mom i still remember that) but that sad kinda you hoped for more kind.

not that anything happened or made it disappointing in general just....

well what do you say about nothing for an hour?

friends are sometimes so liquid. they flow in and out of your life....

i feel the ebbing tide.

my crrraazzzy skillzzzzz

2007-10-05T18:09:00.000-04:00

yeah my parenting skillzzzz have become the stuff of legend. ok maybe not legend....fodder at the park?

so it was a tidge wet at the local park --

liam eagerly climbs the ladder and heads straight for the very high straight FAST slide.

did i mention everything is dewey?

down he goes at epic speeds. on his now soaked butt. flying at least 3 feet off the end of the slide and landing flat on his back. he lay there in stunned silence.

all the other moms gasp in horror.

i, on the other hand, pick myself up off the ground and hope i can stop giggling long enough to collect my son and make a hasty exit from the park.

mad skillzzz!

i am the parenting guru.

The Friday 5: things that I was so wrong about

2007-10-05T13:20:00.000-04:00

I would be a grown up when i became a mother
I would have no regrets
my body would rebound naturally from having a baby(YEAH RIGHT!)
I would always want to be 20
honey attracting more flies - yeah i get just as much shit from being a nice person as from being who i am

I ask for one little thing

2007-10-05T11:30:00.000-04:00

no mommy

no mommy

no mommy

NOOO!!

Liam's new favourite phrase.

who the heck?

2007-10-05T11:23:00.000-04:00

the farmer's market is always a place for interesting experiences. This morning we ran into someone who apparently knew me.

OOOOH! HI! Julie it's been so long.

ummm no i'm not julie.

this must be your son??!!

excuse me? umm my name isn't julie.

I didnt even know you were married - when did you have the little guy?

yeah umm he's almost 2 but i'm NOT julie.

wow it's been so long where do i start.....(to which i listened to a rant about this woman's life for 15 minutes)

that's great? so we're gonna go now.

OH! ok well great to see you again julie. (and just like that she walked away)

I'm not sure which hospital let this harmless yet hearing impaired loonie out with a day pass but well I guess i should be happy for her running into julie like that.

All i know is Peter's gettin' some lovin' from Julie tonight!

Updates

2007-10-04T20:28:00.000-04:00

facebook has effectively ruined my social life -
seeing as there was little to no social life to speak off anyway i suppose the loss is minimal
Liam speaks in full sentences and repeats EVERYTHING we say - yupo have to really stop calling Peter a bastard now (at least when Liam's around)
Liam can say ridiculous but CANNOT say JELL-O
i spend most of my time decorating Liam's big boy room
it's a project and i will post pictures when it's done (it's pretty fabulous)
I have seen the movie CARS about 300 times this summer but never the whole thing
Liam is scared of combines (i think thats what they are called - FRANK from CARS) and small dogs
they (the man) discontinued Liam's soother -
affectionately known in our household as tootoos - so we're screwed

i think that gets you basically up to date. sad that 7 point form notes can cover 4 months of my life. Oh there is other stuff but PEOPLE (you know who you are) might read it and know that it included them or was about them and i am already sure that they think THIS is about them so I will just get in shit for it anyways.

Just so we're clear

2007-10-04T20:14:00.000-04:00

I did NOT spend the entire summer mourning the loss of my blog...

and that was just september!

Really the summer was great....

Yes I AM!

2007-10-04T19:54:00.001-04:00

Ok i'll admit the my time away from my messily little pathetic excuse for a rant has left me bitter and sullen.

maybe not bitter...tart? maybe not sullen either...ummm...bored?

So anyways i got to thinking that I should get back to writing and various other creative shite before the general dulldrum of winter in the great white north sets in. Though at this point (OCTOBER) - it was almost 80 today we could practically have thanksgiving (Canada) on the patio.

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Things to do before I die

2007-07-03T13:34:00.000-04:00

skydiving
have a baby girl
go to japan
stand on the edge of the grand canyon
see my son fall madly in love and live happily ever after
go shoe shopping in paris
see new york city
write a book
learn to sew
write my own eulogy

Next week: 10 Favorite Things - an optional Photo 10 on Tuesday.

face of canada day

2007-07-03T13:33:00.001-04:00

Mindful Mommy Mondays - Tuesday edition

2007-07-03T13:22:00.000-04:00

mountain - goat - meeeeeaahh

ass u me

2007-06-28T15:20:00.001-04:00

As a rule I have learned - the HARD WAY! that you must always guard what you are going to say in case the person you are talking to isn't who you think they are.

Let's just put it like this.

Don't bad mouth people on the phone to someone you don't know.

Cause that person may be the wife, best friend, business partner of the person you are bad mouthing.

And then your website may not work anymore.....

Where's Liam Wednesdays...(thursday edition)

2007-06-28T15:13:00.001-04:00

hiding WITH the hose

yelling "AAAALLLL DONE!"

What I always wanted to hear...

2007-06-26T14:15:00.000-04:00

So we're watching Entourage (an HBO show) at breakfast the other morning. We PVR shows that are on past our beddy time (10pm).

As per most HBO shows, Entourage has a healthy dose of curses.

We're watching away and bitch, whore, cock, shit and even asshole go by without Liam even looking up from his thomas the train he is happily playing with on the coffee table.

And then..........

A lovely girl on the screen says two magical words that every mother everywhere hopes she'll hear come from her baby's mouth.

"FUCK YOU"

yup.

he heard it.

next thing we know he's running up to mommy and daddy screaming it.

so loud i'm sure the neighbours can hear.

i'm shocked child services hasn't shown up yet.

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Favourite Bands of All Time

2007-06-26T14:01:00.000-04:00

Beatles - doesn't this really go without saying?
Radiohead
The Verve
Depeche Mode
Nine Inch Nails
Chemical Brothers
Tricky
The Doors
The Fugees
Violent Femmes

Next Week: 10 Things to do before I Die

Mindful Mommy Mondays

2007-06-25T19:57:00.001-04:00

maybe Bai Yun farts in his sleep too.

vietnamese strudel

2007-06-22T21:11:00.000-04:00

I got you a treat for dessert

oh yeah?

it's on the counter

*pause*

what the f*#k is veitnamese strudel? *pause* oh. viennese.

*as i pick myself up off the floor and wipe the tears from my eyes*

I wonder what vietnamese strudel would taste like

probably spicy

Flashy fridays

2007-06-22T20:05:00.001-04:00

I dunno why

but i can't stop giggling at this picture

my muse

2007-06-22T19:48:00.000-04:00

yeah i get all the best material from him

and he's hot

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

2007-06-20T14:29:00.001-04:00

I have a better ride...

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Favourite Movies to Quote

2007-06-19T13:19:00.000-04:00

Heathers: "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw"
Goodfellas: "I'm funny? Am I your clown?"
So I married an axe murderer: "I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offsides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow. "
Office Space: "I'm gonna show her my O face"
Dirty Dancing: "Nobody puts baby in the corner"
Parenthood: "He's likes to hit things with his head"
Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "The Sausage King of Chicago"
The Breakfast Club : "Claire is a fat girl's name"
Clerks: "Try not to blow anyone on your way through the parking lot"
Wizard of Oz: "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too"

Next week: 10 Favorite Bands of All Time

Fish out of water

2007-06-18T20:25:00.001-04:00

So we found that Liam LOVES the water and for a kid who hasn't had swimming lessons (i know i know i'm SUCH a bad mommy) he's really very good at the swimming.

FYI - the guy holding Liam - you know the one with the man muff and arms of steel - oh yeah....he's my hottie mchotstuff

Mindful Mommy Mondays

2007-06-18T20:19:00.000-04:00

I'm with you man - that sh*t is f$#ked up!

happy father's day

2007-06-15T08:51:00.001-04:00

it's potty time

2007-06-14T19:09:00.001-04:00

the poop continues to fly...

Liam pooped on the potty for the 2nd (yes that's TWICE!) time.

I belong in Dublin

2007-06-14T14:19:00.000-04:00

I really have some serious doubts about a website that claims to know the answers to such things as the well-being of my inner child or my who I was in a past life along side (of course) which flavour lip gloss I am. All these questions and more answered in an easy 5 question (cause you have to keep the attention of the plebs) quiz.

Of course, I couldn't resist the urge...

I belong in Dublin
I am Raspberry Chocolate Lip Gloss
My inner child is Happy
I am agnostic
My love song is Thank you by Dido
I am Aphrodite
An d my irish name is Jade Flynn

All this should work out well for me in my new life in Ireland.

Just to make CLEAR

2007-06-14T09:45:00.000-04:00

It was pointed out to me that none of the "others" involved in the poop conversation on that friday night are not mommies. So I must make an amendment to the previous poop post...

Those involved in the poop talk were CLEARLY having poop issues and also never had much decorum to begin with.

ode to a sprinkler

2007-06-14T08:23:00.001-04:00

my favourite sprinkler

oh, where have you gone?

I left you outside without a light on

you must have grown legs

or decided to walk

If I had known I would have put on a lock

now you are lost

and all I have still to water

is your sad lefty righty friend, who just doesnt matter

lefty righty is bad

and it makes me soooo mad

it just does not do

it's a big pile of poo

I know all the university education paid off now. I am such a freakin' poet.

over anxious

2007-06-13T08:46:00.000-04:00

yes if you are looking for Where's Liam Wednesday's...

it's here

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Awesome things about me

2007-06-12T21:07:00.000-04:00

(I've been told) I'm a good kisser
I have nice feet
I'm creative
I am a good mom
I am very well read
I'm really honest - if you don't want the truth - don't ask me
I'm a loyal friend
I'm a good dancer
I stand up for what I believe in
I had the most beautiful, rambunctious, intelligent and hilarious kid and my labour was only 4.5 hours long (LOL!!)

Next week: 10 Favorite Movies to Quote

you just wait for the poop talk

2007-06-12T20:47:00.000-04:00

I have to say first....

I AM SO INSANELY HAPPY that one of our friends is having a baby...you know who you are and I don't want the crazies coming after you so henceforth she shall be called "Keith Cheggers"

So "Keith" complained about the poop conversation of the friday night that MAY I REMIND YOU I DID NOT START. Though I suppose I didn't need to tell everyone about it...or about how Big Knees still can't poop infront of her boyfriend. Or about the frequency of the poop. Or about how we were talking about poop before any recreation.

Hey I'm totally talking about poop again.

ANYWAYS, "Keith" is CLEARLY not a mommy yet and so has not lost the sense of decorum that all pre-mommies have about feces, poops, poopies, bang-bangs, doodie, the mustard gun, bum nuggets, cagadota or whatever other fancy names you will come up with.

'Cause you will talk about the poop. Oh yes. In fact you will talk about the poop A LOT. With EVERYONE...not just the baby's poop either.

JUST YOU WAIT!!!

Where's Liam Wednesdays...

2007-06-12T20:44:00.001-04:00

you might have over done it on the mowing this time, Liam.

summary judgement

2007-06-12T20:19:00.000-04:00

I am trying to recall when I started to care about what people thought of me again. It must have been sometime around Liam's birth. Honestly, I can't remember.

Recently, I have come up against people making summary judgements of me, my choices, my life, my everything.

why do I care?

Maybe their perceived "knowledge" of me is from a lunatic or maybe it's half what they wanted to hear and made the judgement anyways.

Either way - i'm tired of caring.

thesaurus? dictionary? anyone?

2007-06-12T19:51:00.000-04:00

I think sometimes that either university was such a waste or that authors (particularily English Lit. profs turned writers) are using the thesaurus far to much.

I am currently reading A Whistling Woman by A.S. Byatt - I have ready a few of her other novels (Possession and Babel Tower) and quite enjoy her range and knowledge. She makes me really think about what I am reading. Which frankly, doesn't happen all that much with modern novels.

Anyways - I came across a word I didn't know. Actually a word I had to look up.

In my defence, I have read about 60% of the 100 novels and classics in English Literature and graduated 4 years of university with a degree in English Literature. I also still read quite a bit. Arguably some are trash, junk food novels just for fun but I do read modern classics as well.

So how, I ask, can I have not known this word? My guess is that she - the author - put it in there to make everyone reading it question themselves and their literacy. Or she got thesaurus happy after a bottle of MASI.